I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
The maid of honor just puked.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
