she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
