It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
