god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Your cock deserves a montage
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
