You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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