Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
