i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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