She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
