dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
