to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
