I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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