he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
She's not a foreskin expert like you
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
