She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
