He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
