I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
