just come out here and I will go home with you...
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
