the condom got lost in my hair
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
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