Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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