a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Randomize
