I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
