When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
50% drunk capacity currently
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
