Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
