you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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