used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
