I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
