I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
