Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
