Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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