Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
