The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
