Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
