I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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