You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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