My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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