so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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