I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
did i walk over a car last night?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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