Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
