You made me cry and you don't even care
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
