Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
