I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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