I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
