he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
