I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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