Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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