Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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