people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
