she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
