don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
