I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
