I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
