K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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